Public service announcement: the Commons has a machine for you to put your dirty dishes in. When you are done eating, that is where your dishes go.
This may seem unworthy of PSA status, but the announcement is unfortunately necessary. A shocking number of Drew students are under the impression that the Commons cleaning staff are also waiters and should clear the table for them. If you’re a college student, presumably you’re old enough to have learned how to do this by yourself. The Commons staff are not your parents, and by now I’d hope you don’t expect your parents to clean up after you anyway.
There are simply not enough Commons employees to keep up with the sheer volume of crumpled-up napkins that students leave in their wake. They have more important things to worry about, such as making sure the floor isn’t sticky. Leaving garbage and dishes all over the place takes time out of their day that could be devoted to their actual jobs instead of yours. In other words, pick up after yourself or the Commons is going to start violating health codes.
I’m not sure what kind of salary the Commons pays, but my guess is that it can’t possibly be enough to justify cleaning up after poli-sci majors with their god complexes. With the number of workers on the decline, hours are on the rise. Commons employees work long shifts and it is our duty to make their lives easier. There’s a reason service workers are classified as “essential.” If we need them that much, we should treat them with respect.
While the obvious solution would be to hire more staff, I have a much better idea. Every time a student doesn’t clear their table, all of the dishes, as well as an equivalent amount of napkins and silverware, should be removed from circulation. If this went on long enough, eventually there would be no dishes at all. That would certainly teach some people a lesson.
If you are one of the people leaving the tables dirty, you better look out. If you want to continue having dishes, start cleaning up after yourself because my new dish system could be instituted at any moment. Say goodbye to eating off of plates. This is your own fault for being such a slob—I just can’t condone that kind of behavior. This week’s opinion was submitted by beloved reader Cuyler Flynn (‘25). If you wish to follow in his footsteps, send your opinions down to oarnold@drew.edu, or stalk me on Instagram. (I’m not telling you my username, do the work yourself.)
Ollie Arnold is a sophomore majoring in mathematics with a minor in computer science.
