Ollie’s Opinions: Chartreuse Needs to Go

Ollie Arnold

3 mins read

There are some things in this world that have no business existing. I can think of several off the top of my head: yogurt with fruit at the bottom, those acrylic fingernails with jewelry, three-quarter-length sleeves and my worst enemy yet: the color chartreuse. 

Chartreuse is the color at the exact halfway point between yellow and green and has all the worst qualities of both. It is most popularly used for high-visibility equipment, due to its eyeball-exploding properties. According to gallantculture.com, the color chartreuse is named after a 17th-century French liquor. The color began appearing in fashion, where it proceeded to kill plenty of people because the dye was allegedly made of arsenic. I, however, think chartreuse was fatal because of its extreme ugliness.

Chartreuse is also the nastiest color to spell. The only reason I have spelled it correctly here is because of the wiggly red line from Google Docs. 

Chartreuse doesn’t even sound like it would be bright green. Based on the name, I used to think it would be similar to lilac, but I have since changed my opinion and now believe that it should be similar to bright magenta. No matter what the color truly is, chartreuse is an ugly word. Something about the “E” next to the “U” just gets my goat. 

Chartreuse enrages me as the color red enrages a charging bull. I see the color chartreuse and vomit instantly. Then upon viewing the chartreuse puddle of vomit, I vomit again. This repeats for some time. There is no other color quite so vomitous, except perhaps red-orange, which is coincidentally the color that my eyeballs become when I see chartreuse and they begin fountaining blood.

I don’t think anyone actually likes chartreuse, but if you do, I demand that you stop right now. It is for your own safety. Not only are you putting your health in danger, you are destroying my mental state, and I just cannot condone that kind of behavior. 
Is there something making smoke come out of your ears? Email oarnold@drew.edu for a chance to have your least favorite things featured or just to commiserate.

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