It started with the girl in the squirrel costume in the background of the “We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together” music video circa 2012. Then she was attacked by a flock of squirrels while stopping at Shake Shack with Lorde in 2014 (which is arguably the most 2014 sentence to ever exist). And now, the squirrel reappears? Does Taylor Swift enjoy giving me agita?
Swifties, like myself, have a reputation for being idiot geniuses, searching for the underlying message in every move she makes. Most of the time, I stay up staring at my ceiling thinking there’s going to be an album announcement from Taylor, when in reality Harry Styles is the one blowing up my phone (does this mean “1989 (Taylor’s Version)” is next? Yes.) In all seriousness, I really thought New Year’s Eve was going to be the day she announced “Speak Now (Taylor’s Version).”
Back to the topic at hand, everything Swift posts on Instagram is intentional. So why would she post a picture of herself posing on Instagram with the caption “can’t talk right now, I’m doin hot squirrel shit?” To be fair, it was Halloween. But Taylor would never ever pay tribute to something from her past for no reason at all. Or would she? I honestly don’t know.
All I know is that her street was closed in October of last year for filming. What was the project’s name? ACORN. Unless the Drew University student newspaper has a bigger budget than I thought, it had to have been Taylor! And the “I Bet You Think About Me” music video would not have used that location. Before you ask, the source is myself. I just know these things.
After the start of the Red TV era, more pictures of her in the squirrel costume were posted for Squirrel Appreciation Day on Jan. 21. WHY? Since then, there’s been no further word of squirrels. Or acorns…
This could only have two possible explanations. Either the Red TV era isn’t over and I’m going to have to hold off on ruining Styles’s life, or she’s scheming to have the squirrels join her fanbase. Hear me out.
Swift IS the music industry. But, “evermore” deserves the Grammy more than Olivia Rodrigo, Justin Bieber (derogatory) and Kanye West (even more derogatory). With the power of the cats, squirrels and Swifties behind her, there’s no way she won’t win. Don’t think the squirrels are only here for the Grammys, though.
Swift’s already taken over the music industry –– she is the music industry. Now is the time to take over the world. With squirrels, she would be unstoppable. Just think of how many squirrels are on Drew’s campus compared to people. If they suddenly developed a stream of consciousness under a strong-willed leader, they could definitely get The Commons to exclusively stream her discography.
Swift is 32. As far as I know, she’s not sitting around reading silly little articles in newspapers. She’s after the animals. First cats, now squirrels. Who’s next? The snakes?