Admissions Tour Guides Secretly Train Visiting High Schoolers to Attack Students on the Path

MADISON, N.J. — An anonymous reporter from the Acorn who sat in on a top-secret Admissions training this past week has finally revealed what they learned about the secretive, hush-hush department previously shrouded in mystery and confusion.
According to the reporter, who requested not to be named for fear of Ranger Bear’s much-dreaded wrath, much more actually goes on behind the huge, closed wooden doors of Wesley House than meets the eye. Deep in the basement of the building, a lair exists where new hires go through a very intensive training process.
In this Admissions Lair, newly onboarded tour guides are taught through their final stage of training—offensive tourer-on-student combat. Using a series of AI humanoids provided by a connection within the Computer Science department as test dummies, guides practice and hone their skills in releasing the touring high schoolers onto unsuspecting Drew students simply minding their own business, trying to get to their class on time.
These tour guides are then released themselves into the wild, internally nicknamed the “Touring Terrors” within their department. They prowl the lawns of Mead Hall searching for their next prey, and once they catch sight of them, command their rabid group of high schoolers to surround the student at once. Using specially placed questions like “Do you know how to get to the main gate?” and deadly demands like “Describe to me every single thought you have ever had about your classes at Drew,” their victim eventually has no choice but to fall straight into their cleverly laid-out trap.
Students caught in a Touring Terror are often never seen again, with the exception of the occasional split-second appearance in a different tour group and a panicked look on their face before they disappear again forever. Rumours say that if someone wanders by chance near Wesley House late at night, the voices of the Touring Terrors’ victims can still be heard as a distant whisper, asking yet more miscellaneous questions about the Drew experience and sending a chill down bystanders’ spines.
Touring Terrors are extremely dangerous. Please do not approach or engage them under any circumstances. If you suspect your friend may have been caught by one, please book a tour yourself; you might be able to find them somewhere in the backrooms of the infamous lair—but do so at your own peril.