Anonymous Submission
It’s fall here in the forest, and you may think it’s ironic* that The Acorn is writing about acorns on campus, but this is an important issue –– though it may be more ironic that it’s fall and we’re writing about falling fall objects. Now that the seasons are changing, acorns are falling off the trees at an alarming rate. As they hit the ground, they make that terrifying clunking noise, which sounds even worse as they bounce off cars, tables, and roofs. Many students here at Drew are concerned for their safety in these trying times.
You may remember from physics class that F=ma, and acceleration is -9.8m/s2. Now, granted that acorns do not have much mass, they still––depending on the height of the tree––have quite a bit of room to gather speed as they fall, increasing the force of the impact when they collide with another object. Some acorns have been documented to hit the ground so forcefully they crack open. A few Drew students have already been assaulted by these tiny threats. Nina Campli C’20 said, “It hit me on the head and it really freaking hurt!”
I think the acorn menace needs to be stopped, but here the conundrum comes into play: we need the trees. For one, we’re called The Forest, and we also need the trees to, you know, make oxygen and make our campus pleasant. I would recommend students walk around wearing helmets to avoid serious damage to your cerebellum, and if you see large amounts of acorns on the ground, avoid the area as you may be more at risk.
I would like to thank all students for their vigilance on this issue and hope everyone remains safe during these uncertain times.
*The writer of this article would like to note that they are aware they have misused the word “ironic,” which, in and of itself, is pretty ironic, isn’t it?
Graphic by David Giacomini
