My editors typically get on my ass about word count, so for their sake, this week’s article will be shorter. Teddy told me I could make it longer, but it’s not too long of a story (he also told me to tell you his ankle bone protrudes very nicely). Yet, this is a riveting story, and these are the straight facts.
In the fall semester of 1986 (I think) the basketball team held a fundraiser. The fundraiser included the introduction of four donkeys (I know) to the court in the Baldwin Gymnasium. The aim of the game was to raise money in order to fund new uniforms. Students were charged $5 to see the action and received quite a show in return. A game of basketball was played. The donkeys were ridden. Students were bucked off and reared at. Photos were taken. And the money was raised…I think. But a game of donkey basketball has yet to be held on campus since 1986—and this week, I aim to find out why.
On Dec. 7, 1986, undergraduates crowded into the bleachers of the Baldwin Gymnasium to see the spectacle of a basketball game unlike any other. The Drew basketball teams, both men and women, were set to face off against one another. The caveat: all points had to be scored from the back of one of three donkeys from a nearby farm in Mendham, N.J. The aim of the game was to shoot hoops, score points and not fall off—easier said than done.
The basketball team had a few lessons in which they received guidance from the Drew equestrian team about how to ride safely and effectively. Each player was outfitted with helmets and mouthguards to protect against falls. Each player was assigned a spotter charged with keeping them upright. The challenge really set in as donkeys tried to buck and rear their riders off. Once the riders were on the floor, the donkeys attempted to kick players in the legs, scurry off the court and rear up to prevent remounting.
By halftime, six members of Drew’s basketball team could no longer compete and were benched for the duration of the charity game. Some students got tangled up in the donkey reins and were dragged across the gymnasium floor. By the end of the night, most of the students were too afraid to even approach the donkeys—and a game of girls vs. boys turned into a game of humans vs. donkeys. The donkeys ultimately won.
The activity was never reintroduced to Drew. While some may point to the injuries sustained during the game as the reason why, I argue that the ultimate unexpected loss of the human team is to blame. Giving donkeys the dignity of coming back to campus to beat the Rangers again would destroy morale and possibly break a few more legs than necessary.
However, I argue that this competition should make its return. This time around, we will be ready to face them. Rigorous training regiments and further collaboration between the basketball and the equestrian teams can prepare our players for victory, and improved protective equipment can be utilized to ensure the game is kept safe. Measures must be taken as well to ensure that the donkeys involved in playing are kept safe and mentally well. If expert donkey caretakers are kept in the loop, this is possible.
Drew students crave a crazy change of pace—Drew needs culture, and the donkeys can provide it. An annual tradition can be made out of this blip from the past, and we can come together as a community to participate, ride a donkey, cheer on a friend, perform first aid, take photos of the madness, clean up after the competition and hoop and holler at the top of our lungs as we watch the wackiest event of the year. The only way forward is through, and I plan on riding a donkey to the glorious tomorrow that Drew has in store.
That 1950s Chick is a major general and a minor inconvenience.