During increasingly tumultuous times at Drew University, some students have found a group to blame for the college’s ills: Commuters.
These concerned citizens have formed a people’s movement dedicated to taking down commuters, who they claim have it too well.
The Acron was able to conduct an exclusive interview with one of these freedom fighters, who stated that “commuters are always saying stuff like ‘why am I paying for a meal plan I don’t use’ and ‘I feel increasingly isolated from my friends and Drew in general’ and it’s like, oh my god, shut up. I did not ask.”
Though their brave fight may seem to be against all odds, the Anti-Commuter Association achieved a major win on Wednesday.
At a press conference, President Link announced – to the delight of every onlooker – that all of the policies advocated by the ACA would be implemented next semester, and that that had been the plan the entire time.
“This is a huge victory for our movement,” said its leader, who chose to remain anonymous for fear of vehicular retribution. “From now on, we shall no longer live in fear of the injustices done to us by those commuters!”
Chrys Lerr is a freshman majoring in automotive technology and minoring in hazing. Squirrel with Scissors is a squirrel writer majoring in the art of chaos and minoring in acorn eating.